Re-Vision for Life

When I originally started this web log it was because I wanted to document not only the events in my life but the transformation of my changing perspective.  Over the course of the last two years I obviously have stepped away from the keyboard and put down my attempts to catalog or even track any of my life's events in text.  Facebook photos coupled with occasional posts will be the only witness to my last few years of life. I have however, despite my own opinion, been pretty busy.  Since I last posted I have been married and divorced, deployed once again, sold and bought several vehicles, forgotten and rediscovered different hobbies.  Yet despite all these activities there is one thing that sticks with me, I have forgotten what I set out to get in this brief chaotic life.  Perhaps I feel as though I lost my way a bit because I stopped taking time to "check the map" or record my progress.  All the same I hope to use this post to kind of make re-envision what I hope to gain in this life.

I really find myself enjoying the thought of sitting in a book store reading books yet I rarely do it.  I also really enjoy the idea of being a cyclist yet I ride maybe once or twice a month.  I actually thoroughly enjoy the pursuit of knowledge in the technical field yet I feel very much a novice in many of it's subjects.  I have romantic aspirations yet often shy away from engagements because they feel too overwhelming and full of potential failure.   This paragraph is full of the word "I" for a reason and it is because of my very singular focus on why contentment and happiness has not found me nor I it.  In approximately eight months the Marine Corps will begin it's journey in becoming a distant memory and long held dreams of returning to a college campus will materialize.  I want so badly to take time away from my career in order to rediscover what it is that I wanted in the first place.  Perhaps I will find it there, despite logic telling me to continue on in the work force immediately after my impending exit from the Corps.

Perhaps then I will sit and read more books in libraries and bookstores; cycle daily to and from activities, pursue knowledge in and out of the class room.  Perhaps is a big word, one that taunts me from afar while I sit and speculate.  For now I will prepare and await the next chapter of my life.

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes" -Mahatma Gandhi

Times Not Forgotten

Sitting here listening to the Shins some how reminds me of my 2008 summer with untold potential and good friends. The keenest memory still lingering in my mind took place at a good friend Curtis Bartley's house well to be specific his parent's house. We were all back in town for the summer and by all back in town I am referring to the migration between college and high school town that tends to occur every summer and winter break. I was working at the time for Office Max and had some work on the side with my part time company C&D Technical. I had a busy week working countless hours during the day at Office Max developing graphics design projects and spent my early mornings and evenings running around doing work for various jobs with my newly founded company. In the evenings I would put miles on my bicycle pretending someday I would put Lance Armstrong's records to shame. At this juncture however in my memory I was sitting in my friends back yard with a fire going and we were drinking wine coolers and beer. Present was Curtis of course and my friends, Kris, Saje, Keith, and I believe Tyler. Our conversations ranged from Technical, seeing as most of us worked or studied in related fields, to Political as they often do when a good group of friends stay up late drinking in the summer. Some of my friends at the time were curious Marxists while I remained at the time an exploratory Libertarian. We would argue objectively back and forth about various pros and cons to either side of the argument always arriving at impasses mostly due to our lack of knowledge on either doctrine. Don't get me wrong we were as informed as we could be for the ages of 21, but even then the extent of our knowledge on political philosophy was no where near that of the authors writing the books we preached. All in all in the midst of this busy summer in the midst of all the hectic day to day activities I always remembered the joy of stopping from time to time to enjoy a cold drink with my friends and bullshit until anything and everything had been debated and brought to somewhat blurry conclusions. I just remembered how when I drove home I thought to myself I hope we can continue this tradition next summer... February of the next year I joined the Marine Corps.

I guess what I am trying to get at is despite where my life may take me and how out of contact I may seem, I will always remember the various relationships I had with friends throughout and I remember the times we had together. You are not forgotten.

The feeling after the party is over.

Almost always in life most people live for the high, the big moment when all the peaces of the puzzle fit together when everything is just right! It is why we watch movies, for that ending seen when Luke and the ewoks defeat the empire or Frodo delivers the ring to Mount Doom! Same reason so many people watch criminal investigation or cop shows because they want to watch the development up until the bad guy gets caught. We live for graduations, marriages, birthdays, sports championships, we live for all the big and grand successes in life.

Although I do say that success is one of my favorite things to enjoy in life its not the only thing. Growing up have always found solace when the party was over, after all the celebrating had come to an end. When I was little I loved having birthday parties and the like but I always found that after the party I truly felt the happiest. The same experience seemed to grip me in college, although the parties and the games were all lots of fun I always felt happiest laying there on the couch in the family room observing the stoic and quiet nature of the house, knowing that hours earlier it was roaring with activity. I find the same in nature, on hikes or camping trips that it is at the end during the time of reflection that the most pure happiness seems to overwhelm. I know because it is freed of all excitement, hype and outside influence it is the moment when you look back and realize what you experienced was real, valid and added more to the richness of your life. You can ask almost anyone, most people always remember things better than they were, yes college was hard and or confusing for most people but most will also say it was the best time of their life. How often do you hear the phrase, "man those were the days!"

I began pondering this subject thinking so far on my military career and experience. It seems as though a lot of people I know constantly complain or whine about being in the Marine Corps and dealing with a lot of the bull shit they put you through. While I was thinking about whether or not it really did suck I decided to look back and decide how I viewed my past experiences so far. The Marine Corps has been in my life a great experience full of a lot of memories with friends I may never see again but I know they enriched my life and hopefully me theirs. I am looking forward now knowing that this organization is not all bad as some claim it to be, wondering how I can improve both my experience and that of others. This doesn't mean that I have suddenly become all eurah, semper-fi motarded I just think that all this negativity and anti-motivation isn't creating an environment or memories that better anyones life. Yes the Marine Corps isn't entirely fair, yes sometimes it sucks or doesn't make sense but the reality is complaining about it like a bitch doesn't help anyone. Not saying that I haven't done my fair share of complaining under my breath, but its time to move forward and embrace life and the corps for what it is.

I am sure that when this current party is over I will look back on all that I had done and feel no regret but only sentimental thoughts about the times I had with my friends and Co-Workers.