Trying to put it in words...

Definition;

Recently I have been attending classes at Oregon State, Working at Alyrica Networks and living in Corvallis. This is a brief and current definition of who I am in society.

Thursday, It rained and my friends were in town. Given all the choices of activities to do after 10:00 pm we decided to explore a local forest while it continued to precipitate cats and dogs. The aftermath was one sick individual who was unable to make it to work, school, and prior social engagements.
Within the context of Thursday night I was an irresponsible, unintelligent and adventurous person. However you can’t define a person within a single moment. Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover. All have said so far is common knowledge, you know, I know and they know. However what most people don’t see because of our limited perspectives is the ability for people to change and grow through ought life. From my limited view as of 19 years I see things like college, career and marriage as stone setting moments or as some refer to as death sentences. I’ve always been unable to see past that invisible growing up barrier, well that is until recently. I thought when I graduated id be off to some great adventure but there really has been no “adventure” if you ask me high school is the great “adventure” the adventure with little or no consequences. The important thing I have taken away from this recent disappointment is that my perspective is very limited and that as I grow through life I have not lost anything I could not keep and I have only consolidated a world of experiences to take with me into the next chapter.

Tomorrow I will be a learning, understanding and experience loving individual. That, will be a permanent definition of who I am.

A Good Night with No Luck

When attempting to contemplate ones life and its direction you cant help but feel just a little lost and overwelmed. That is how I have felt for the last month. I do not know what I'm trying to do or why I am trying to do it. I have no desire to really do anything more than what I am doing now except for the little voice in my head telling me that I need to perform so that society sees me as a unique outstanding individual. I continue to listen to that little voice and make desicions that society would prefer me to make.

Today I cleaned the garage, washed dishes, and bought groceries. My only contact with humanity today was avoiding people at Winco. It seems to be pretty busy at Winco on Sundays. Im used to being there at 2 or 3 in the morning so I never have to manuever in and around people shopping. The garage was full of maggots and flies. I found several pieces of meat rotting. I also filled about 5x33 gallon trash bags. I am not tired physically but I am mentally. I called Luke today to see if he wanted to hang out but he was busy. Jared had to work and so did Kevin. So i just sat at my house. I dont know what to do with myself. Well good night all.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Albert Einstein

So I have been thinking...

Life
I have reached a state of isolation in my life I rarely experiance. I am at a point where my social interaction is limited to joking around with Co-workers, listening to my grandpa and Watching TV series with a few friends. Yet I really dont feel connected to any of these groups. If I were alone on an island I would feel no more desolate than I am now. I am not entirely unhappy with my situation it has allowed me to analyze what is important to me in life. It has also allowed me to have a well balanced lifestyle. Healthy eating, exercise, hobbies and work have been my companions. However I am on the eve of going to college and as I journey towards college I must say goodbye to my current companions. Part of me wishes I could take classes in Isolation. Over the course of the summer I have grown comfortable with sitting alone for the majority of the day. There is a certain sense of security you can find in seperating yourself from social dependencies.


Love,
I only love ideas, hope, and simplicity. These three things I have grown to love or more so I have learned that these are what I have loved all along I just viewed them as something entirely different before. I have never loved a person for who they were but more so for my conceptual thoughts of them and the hope that they would continue to improve their person. Also I have learned to enjoy simplicity in life. Soft Music, Clean straight forward images (taken from my graphic design). I hope someday I am either corrected in my current tinkerings of the mind or that I am clarified in my thoughts. My current state of mind lacks sure footedness. Thank you for reading I hope you have something to add.

"What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so."

--From Hamlet (II, ii, 115-117)